The 5 Most Important Components of a First Date

A first date should be affordable. There’s absolutely no reason to shell out a bunch of money for some girl you may not even like. Sure, some girls may be impressed by it…but if you’re not trying to barter jewelry for pussy, I would avoid trying to woo her with your wallet.

I’m not suggesting that you take her to a food truck or The Dollar Store, but don’t spend hundreds of dollars on someone you don’t even know.


A first date should have a built-in escape hatch. Maybe you’ll meet her and she’s even more beautiful than her photos, she’s hilarious, charming, and clever… or maybe she’s dull, stupid, or really good at Photoshop.

Pick a place that will allow you to politely leave in 15 minutes like a coffee shop or tea-house. If you aren’t interested, you only have to stay for as long as it takes to gulp down your caffeine of choice. If she’s your unicorn, you can always extend the date.

I am a major proponent of coffee dates, since I can usually determine my interest level within 5 minutes. A coffee date means I am only 5 more minutes away from yanking off my push-up bra and slipping into my jammies, should the need arise.


A first date should be someone you can hear each other. The purpose of a first date is to figure out if you like each other. Pretty difficult if you can’t talk to her. Even if you’re just looking for sex, you’re going to have to engage her mind if you want a chance to touch her ass.

Choose a place with a nice atmosphere. It shouldn’t be too loud, or somewhere talking is prohibited. I’m thinking less Hogsmead or restricted section of the library, more wizards’ chess in the common room or an afternoon picnic next to the lake… she might even play with your wand. (I’m 30% girl, 70% Harry Potter references).

Even if carrying a conversation isn’t your strong suit, don’t be tempted to take her to a movie, night club, or concert. You may not have to talk to her there, but two awkward strangers in the same general space doesn’t build chemistry either. You’re going to have to use your words, buddy.


A first date with a built-in activity can be a lifesaver. If you struggle with maintaining conversation over dinner, opt for a creative endeavor instead. Think of it like rolling advantage on your charisma saving throws. If you’re artistic, you can go for Painting with a Twist.

If she’s athletic, you guys can go ice skating. Otherwise, there’s always a cooking class. It’s casual enough that you can chat with each other, but structured enough that it won’t get awkward if you run out of things to say.

If your mind goes blank, you can focus on the project for a few minutes to clear your head, and then restart the conversation after you’ve had a minute to recover. If you’re talking over drinks and you can’t think of what to say, you’re pretty much fucked… and probably not by her.


If you’re going for extra credit, go somewhere she can bring home a souvenir. It’s never a bad idea for her to take something home that will remind her of you. Try out the Painting with a Twist thing I mentioned earlier, make pottery, paint teacups, etc… there are limitless options here.

We want her thinking about you every-time she walks past the shitty coffee mug you guys molded together. Please, please, please don’t give her an STD though. Sharing isn’t always caring… and make sure she doesn’t share one with you either. Remember the golden rule: if there are open sores on her pussy, don’t eat the cookie.

So that the ending was pretty gross… I’m keeping it though, because I spent like 10 minutes Googling words that rhyme with pussy to make that joke and now I’m committed to it.

Anyways, if you’d like help with planning a first date, improve your dating profile, general dating advice, or get a gift card for a friend, hit me up 🙂

Cheers,

Chloe.