5 things to always avoid on a first date

From heavy aftershave application to aggressive lines of questions, here are the worst faux pas you can commit when meeting a prospective partner

Congratulations. They’ve agreed to a first date – and that’s really half the battle. You’ve been deemed worthy of their time, a second look and taking a chance on. Now you have but one job; don’t mess it up. And that’s easier said than done.

For whatever reason, when men are presented with the prospect of romance, our first instinct is to panic. We fly in the face of conventional courtship, lose our collective cools and throw cold water on proceedings before they’ve even started to hot up. So, although there is no perfect date template that works for everyone, we’ve identified a handful of goofs and gaffes that you really should try to avoid. If you’re holding out hope for a second meet-up, here are the faux pas to steer clear of on your first.

01. Don’t plan anything too big

Oh, you like grand romantic gestures? Maybe keep that to yourself. Mariachi bands and bunches of roses are all well and good – actually, they never really are – but first dates are not for flooding with clichés. They’re for getting to know your new prospective partner. Drinks are ideal, dinner is passable – and the line should be drawn there.

Do not buy tickets for anything; no theatre shows, no gigs and definitely no cinema – you actually want to be able to talk to them. Just keep things casual. Drifting from bar to bar can be fun, especially if you’re exploring new places together for the first time. But, if you’re taking them to Mamma Mia because you’ve already seen it six times, love it unconditionally and can’t believe they’ve only seen the film, they’ll end up remembering the date for all the wrong reasons. Also, Mamma Mia? Really?

02. Don’t go too heavy on the aftershave

Some aftershaves smell nice. Some do not. All should be used in moderation. We’ve concluded interviews early before because our nostrils have been stinging, and have cut short meetings because our eyes just wouldn’t stop watering, all because of fragrance overload. It’s not a pleasant experience. So, before you go for your sixth spritz, spare a thought for the poor person sitting across the table from you tonight. They’ve probably put real effort into applying their products – so don’t ruin it all with your nuclear notes of sandalwood.

Less is more. Pick a nice scent – we’ve got you covered there – and apply a sensible amount (a spray on each wrist, two on the neck, a couple on the front and a couple on the back).

03. Don’t over-compliment them

What’s that? They look nice? Well, that’s an appropriate thing to say – you are on a date, after all. So tell them. But then – and this is key, so pay attention – don’t repeat yourself. One compliment is charming. Two compliments are acceptable – if you space them out. Three of the same will make you look either chronically forgetful; like a greasy gawker; or both. And none of those options will work in your favour.

Instead, compliment them in other, non-overt ways. Pick up on something they said half an hour ago and loop back to it, to show you’ve really been paying attention. Ask them about something that shows you’re interested in more than just looks. And never, never neg. Oh, you don’t know what negging is? Let’s leave it that way.

04. Don’t bombard them with questions

This isn’t a job interview; it’s a date. So don’t ask any pointed, random questions. You don’t need to know if their parents are still together. You don’t need to know why they broke up with their first partner. And you certainly don’t need to know if they have any embarrassing intolerances – unless you’re halfway through your second shellfish platter and they’re starting to look a little puffy around the eyes.

The best way to approach first-date conversation is to avoid all-too-serious questions (and topics) in general – it sounds a tad nerdy, but just have some mental cues on pop-culture topics (and perhaps steer away from politics).

05. Don’t organise a second date during the first

Once more for the uninitiated at the back: much of the excitement and attraction of the dating process comes from the waiting, flirting and tension that’s built between dates. If you whip out your Filofax at the bar and pencil them in for next month, that’ll somewhat kill the mystery. By maintaining the ‘will they/won’t they’ part of the dating game, you’ll still seem interesting.

Don’t act aloof, and don’t be a challenge, but the first date is too early to commit to a second. Feel free to put out feelers about places they haven’t been, restaurants they haven’t tried or bars they’ve wanted to visit. But don’t sync calendars just yet – let’s see where things go. Also, why do you own a Filofax? It’s 2025…

Want more relationship advice? This is what to know if you’re planning to propose…