aging

Can Stress Age Your Skin?

It’s natural to feel self-conscious about aging, but you don’t have to let those feelings get the best of you.

3 min read

This is the sixth installment in our Happy Head series by Julie Shapiro, editor in chief of The Well by Northwell. If you’re interested in having more articles like this one delivered straight to your inbox, please sign up for the Happy Head newsletter. And to read past articles in the series, check out our Happy Head page.

Last spring, I spent more money than I am willing to admit on Botox and fillers to counteract my emerging jowls and fine lines. Over the summer, I amped up my workout regimen to “two-a-days” in the hopes of—not losing weight—but simply maintaining it, which is getting harder and harder to do as the years march on. Every day, I look at my reflection in the mirror and wonder, “Who is this middle-aged woman staring back at me, and why doesn’t she get some sleep?!”

It’s no secret that our society views the aging process with disdain. Although it’s inevitable, or maybe because it’s inevitable, we all tend to look away. It’s almost as if we’re trying to encourage each other to do our ugly aging quietly because no one wants to see it up close and personal. And as I mourn the loss of a tight and pain-free body, I’m also aware that the attention and respect that accompany a young appearance are disappearing. I feel myself becoming invisible.

It leaves me with a lump in my throat as I try to understand the lens through which others see me and, more importantly, who I will be in this next chapter. What mark will I make? Will my opinions still be relevant if they take a little longer to formulate and come from a face that’s more weathered? With this brand-new existential crisis developing inside me, I reached out to Margaret Doherty, a marriage and family therapist, for some insight.

“A lot of the stigma around aging really comes from what society tells us. If you look at social media, magazines, TV, and movies, a lot of older women are working so hard to look and feel younger, which sends messages to our brains that aging is bad,” Margaret explained.

So how do I get out of this negative thought spiral I’m stuck in? Margaret suggested I take a step back and try to appreciate what I’ve accomplished to be where I am. “With age comes experience. With experience can come a deep understanding of yourself, which can lead to acceptance,” she said. “You’ve worked hard in your life to achieve your goals, and you’ve done things you never thought you could do. You have the experience of pure joy and deep heartache. Reflect on that and really take it in.”

Of course, she’s right. She also gave me a very pointed reminder to “look at the aging process as a privilege that, unfortunately, not everyone gets to experience. While it’s totally valid to have the thoughts you have about your aging experience, you’re able to live this other piece of life that some never get to.”

Touché.

As a parting gift, Margaret added, “If you are upset about your looks at this age, there is NO shame in having a cosmetic procedure, changing your hair, or starting to work out. You know yourself and what will help you feel your best, but you don’t need these things to be bad ass and beautiful—at any age.”

Cheers to that, as I confidently sip my collagen smoothie.

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