Summary of Are you struggling whether to Stay or Divorce? .. Ever heard of the 80/20 rule?
- What is the 80/20 rule in Why did I get married?
- What does 80/20 mean in relationships?
- What is the 6 6 6 rule dating?
- What is the 80 20 split of attraction?
Search Results
AI Overview
AI Overview
The 80/20 rule in relationships, derived from the Pareto Principle, suggests that roughly 80% of your relationship satisfaction comes from 20% of interactions, or that one partner typically meets about 80% of your needs, leaving the other 20% for you to fulfill yourself. It encourages focusing on core strengths (the 80%) rather than fixating on minor flaws or unmet desires (the 20%) to build a more realistic and sustainable connection, recognizing that no one is perfect and self-reliance is key for the remaining needs.
Key Interpretations:
Focus on the Good: Concentrate on the fundamental qualities and positive interactions (the 80%) that bring happiness, rather than dwelling on small annoyances or differences (the 20%).
Realistic Expectations: Accept that no partner will meet 100% of your needs, and that’s normal; the other 20% comes from personal fulfillment, hobbies, friends, and self-care.
Prioritize Key Moments: Identify the vital interactions (like meaningful conversations or acts of kindness) that create the most happiness and focus your energy there.
Balance & Sustainability: A relationship where 80% of the time is easy and only 20% is challenging is considered sustainable, promoting personal growth alongside partnership.
Avoid Chasing the “Perfect” 20%: The rule warns against leaving a good (80%) relationship for the allure of someone who seems to offer the missing 20%, only to find you’ve lost the substantial foundation you had.
How to Apply It:
Identify Your Core 80%: List the essential qualities and needs met in your relationship (e.g., love, support, shared values).
Acknowledge the 20% Gap: Recognize the minor irritations or unmet preferences without letting them dominate your view.
Fulfill Your Own 20%: Invest in your own life, hobbies, and community to meet your remaining needs.
Focus on High-Impact Interactions: Prioritize the small percentage of moments that truly strengthen your bond.
Show more
Are you struggling whether to Stay or Divorce? .. Ever heard of the 80/20 rule?
Run with me here..
Maybe your thinking about divorce or maybe your not there yet but seeking advice about your situation. And maybe it’s hard to make up your mind because in scenario 1 your husband doesn’t have sex with you but he’s a great dad. Or scenario 2, maybe she doesn’t help around the house as much but your sex life is awesome.
Whichever situation your in .. here is some food for thought and an exercise that is better than your typical pros and cons list.
The 80/20 rule suggests that you only ever get 80 percent of what you want in a partner/marriage. And sometimes we get so caught up in the 20 your not getting so you go out looking for what’s missing.
Yet when you find what your looking for you leave your 80 but soon figure out that your only getting 20 altogether so now in theory your missing 80 percent of what you already had and gave up for your 20.
The theory suggests that if you have found yourself an 80 to stay with them and try to make it work instead of trading your 80 for a 20.
Marriage is hard work and it’s important to know that before moving forward. But the real question here is what are you willing to live with and live without? If you can define that maybe making the decision to stay or leave will become that much more clear to you. Maybe this will help give you perspective if you’re struggling?
I’m not saying you should stay! I’m saying consider if your partner is meeting 80 percent of your needs. You can weigh that by setting a percentage to each item of importance and tally.
Example: Sex is worth 30% household chores 30% quality time 20% finances 15% and so on. Further, you can categorize into smaller departments if you want to get more specific and want to take this excercise all the way. You would do this until you have categorized up to 100% because as the theory states you only ever get 80% of everything you want in a partner.
(We are not perfect and this is okay)
Then you would set a percentage of what amount of that category’s percentage your partner is currently meeting. i.e sex is worth 30% but my partner is meeting 15% of my sexual need. You can continue this and then add up all the categories to see if they reach 80% of your needs or maybe close to it.
I know staying or leaving is not that simple but for some people out there this might be really helpful. And at the same time it’s a great way to be honest about your needs and how much something carrys weight for you in a relationship/marriage. I think this could help.
Side note: I’m struggling in my own situation right now so this has been something on my mind recently. I have my own sorting to go through.