How to Use the 3-6-9 Rule for a Relationship

Updated January 7, 2026 Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

Key points The first three months of a relationship can be “The Honeymoon Stage” when your judgment is clouded.
The next three months can be “The Conflict Stage” when you can see whether and how you resolve disagreements.
“The Decision-Making Stage” is when you have enough info to decide whether to go the distance or break up.

Someone I was dating once told me three weeks after we had first met that she was ready to get engaged to me. That seemed a bit early and was before the “3-6-9 rule” was circulating on the internet as it is now. But it turned out that the 3-6-9 rule would have held for that relationship, as once the relationship passed the three-month mark, things turned all “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” Yeah, us getting married would have been a bad idea.

Like most relationship rules, the 3-6-9 rule isn’t a hard and fast one that has legal consequences or holds all the time for everyone. But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.

Months Zero Through Three: The Honeymoon Stage

Let’s start with the “3,” which represents the end of the first three-month stage known as “The Honeymoon Stage.” It is a figurative honeymoon—not a literal one—because if the two of you are already married on Day 1, things may have already moved a bit too celebrity wedding fast. During the Honeymoon Stage, you are still getting to know each other.

This is probably not the best time to make any long-term commitments to the other person because your hormones and genitals might have a little too much say in the matter. And in general, it’s not a great idea to listen solely to your genitals when they tell you things. Plus, you really don’t know enough about the other person yet, except for perhaps his or her name and where that person’s different body parts are located. You may not even have had your first big fight, which brings us to the next stage.

Months Four Through Six: The Conflict Stage

This next three-month stage—which, based on the rule, may start at month four—is called “The Conflict Stage” because, guess what, that’s when real conflict arises if it hasn’t already. This can arise from what your significant other has been doing all along, but doesn’t seem quite so cute anymore after you’ve been with him or her for four months. At the same time, new things about each other may be finally rearing their ugly heads because the two of you may no longer be on your best behavior. The shields may no longer be up, and the bathroom door may no longer be closed as much.

Additionally, you’ve finally had the opportunity to go through some different situations and seen how each other has reacted. For example, you could have gone through your first big trip together, where you learned that your significant other must travel with 12 different suitcases—one for each mood—versus your one carry-on bag, or vice-versa. More importantly, you may have experienced a situation where you needed that other person, but he or she wasn’t really there for you, like when your significant other’s sibling treated you like doo-doo.

This is a good stage to go through because a relationship without conflict is a bit like a face full of Botox. It’s not real, and it can’t adapt to changing circumstances. Consider conflict to be a good test to see how you will resolve it. Will the two of you avoid it like hiding a ferret in your pants or cycle through the same arguments over and over again without any resolution? Or will you instead find ways to work through and learn from your conflicts? If the latter is the case, it could make your relationship a whole lot stronger, helping you understand each other and your communication and problem-solving styles better. Conflicts can provide you with more information, opening the door for the next stage.

Months Seven Through Nine: The Decision-Making Stage

This brings us to the third three-month stage: “The Decision-Making Stage.” This is when you supposedly have enough information and can decide whether this relationship is bound for the scrap heap like the TV show “My Mother the Car” or can go the distance, meaning to marriage or the equivalent. As the “9” implies, there should be a limit to when this stage ends—commonly nine months or so into the relationship. It’s reminiscent of the bleep or get off the toilet saying.

Be Appropriately Flexible With the 3-6-9 Rule

As mentioned earlier, consider the 3-6-9 rule more as a rough guide rather than a hard-and-fast rule. Don’t look at the calendar and say, “Oh, Love Nugget, we’ve been dating for three months and a day. Time for us to have a big argument. Your hair looks like bleep.” Relationships are not like Hot Pockets with clearly established instructions and precise timing as to how long things should be cooking. Your specific timing may vary by weeks or even months, depending on the relationship itself and things about you like your age and your surrounding circumstances. Plus, there can be additional stages, like your approach to relationships is sort of like the movie “2001: A Space Odyssey,” requiring a longer warming-up period, meaning that you don’t go through a typical Honeymoon Stage first.

Nevertheless, the 3-6-9 rule can help guard against two of the biggest perils when you are with someone who ultimately is the wrong fit for you. Again, these perils are either making a big commitment way too early or staying in a relationship way too long due to something like inertia, which I have described previously. In both cases, you could end up wasting that most precious commodity of them all—time. So, if that 3-6-9 is more like three, six, and nine days or three, six, and nine years, then you may be on the wrong timeline.

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